Never
by Silver Cream
Summary: 'But for you it was different. Complicated. I hate you, but yet I yearn for you..' KanamexZero


**Yeah! My first fic. for VK! I just had to try out this style of writing! Please forgive for the errors and mistakes.**

**WARNING:**** Zero's pov, one-sided love (?), shounen ai [boyxboy]**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Vampire Knight**

**Enjoy~**

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**_Never_**

I leaned against the wall, staring blankly at the door. You won't be coming back. I won't be able to see you again. Those words continued to echo through my mind. Torturing me, hurting me. But I ignored. You never did really belong to anyone. You were never bonded against me, nor them.

The only one who could, and was able to keep you here was her. You love her, and she likes you. She was as beautiful as the lone winter moon, her voice was warm like the afternoon sun on my skin. Cheerful, outgoing and caring. Alittle too naive she was, but I liked her.

I wanted to keep her by my side forever, but I did not allow myself to. I was afraid I would hurt her. Afraid that the monster in me would take over, hurting her both physically and mentally. I tried to push away the help she offered, I tried to push her away from me. '_Stay away from me_' was what I wanted to tell her, but couldn't.

No matter how I tried to avoid her, a part of me wouldn't allow. Was it because I wanted to be near her? Or was it because I wanted her sweet scented blood? Afraid to know of either, I locked those thoughts deep in my mind. But her continue efforts to help kept the monster at bay. It would continuously beg me to bite her, drink her blood.

I considered of doing them, but prevented myself from doing so. But that day, she came up to me. Told me that it was alright, and pushed her hair to the side. Revealing her soft and slim neck, smiling as she came closer. I wanted to get out of the room, but was unable. The monster in me offered a deal, one that I knew would be broken.

_Just this one time. Only this once, and no more again._ It said, promising that it would never bother me ever again if I would just give in. Both the tempting sight and words were too much, I had to give in.

But I regretted ever giving in to that monster. It was the start of more pain. Pain for her, pain for you...and pain for me. You knew she gave me her blood. And deep down, I'm sure that you would want to make a blood-bath out of me. The only reason you didn't do so was because of her, again. You didn't want to see her hurt face. You didn't want her to hate you for killing me.

You called me to your room, telling me to stay away from her. Saying that if I had another blood-lust, I would have to find for you. Did you know how much of an insult that was for me? Blood-lust? It wasn't my fault that I became this, neither human nor a monster. At that time, I wasn't able to prevent myself from pulling Bloody Rose out.

I lifted it up and aimed for your head, to show you that I wasn't afraid of you being a pure blood. Pulling the trigger was the biggest mistake I ever did. As soon as I pulled the trigger, I felt my whole body being pushed against the wall. Your hands slowly tightening around my neck, choking me. I was somehow glad when I felt my head getting light, thinking that I could go now. Dying in your hands was better.

But you had to whisper those words in my ears, before pushing me through the wall hard. Everything else after that was fuzzy. I remembered feeling something warm running down my throat, as my chest tightened with hatred. But this hatred slowly became affection. How it became so, even I was unsure. I only knew that whenever I saw her with you, my chest tightens.

In the past, I thought that it was because of her. But I was wrong. It was you from the beginning. My love and affection for her was only brotherly-love. One which I wanted to keep her out of harm's way.

But for you it was different. Complicated. I hated you, but yet I yearn for you. I wanted to be close to you, but yet I wanted to be far. There were always contradiction about my feelings for you. Nothing makes sense whenever it's about you. The only thing that I knew well, was that you only cared for her. No one else.

I chuckled to myself, softly. What a fool I must have been, falling for you. A love that could never be, because of what you did to her. She might have been a pure blood, but turned to human because of some reasons. So why did you have to change her back? Was it because you wanted to bring her with you? Was it because you didn't believe that I would be able to protect her?

But whatever those reason might have been, I don't want to know. You've gone together with her, is all that I need to know. You will never come back here again. And even if you do, I will bring you down this time.

"A love that never was meant to be...huh?" I muttered to the direction of the door, as if you were there hearing me. I smiled, before bring my head onto my knees.

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**The end...such a *sniff* neither sad nor happy ending...**


End file.
